Category Archives: Marriage

Keeping the Home Fires Burning


Let’s face it stress, health, jobs, kids, pets, lack of sleep and a host of other distractions can have a negative impact on even the most romantic, chemistry infused relationships.

Sometimes it is necessary to take time out to make sure your sex life stays a priority.  The following list is designed to keep the bedroom hot on even the coldest of nights.

Get off the Grid  

Take a holiday together without pets or kids.  Give yourself the time to remember what it was like back in the early days of dating.  Unplug from the distractions of work and the internet and go some place that you both enjoy.  There is no doubt that a change of scenery leads to better and more connectivity of the non-internet speed.  Exploring a different destination and setting gets you thinking about exploring in other areas of your relationship.  Plus a little extra sleep does wonders, speaking of which…

Get Eight Hours

Going through life sleep deprived takes it toll.  Even the young reach an  eventual burn out stage.  We try for lights out by 10 PM to ensure a well rested work week.  Being tired also leads to the likelihood of snapping at each other and getting lost in criticism directed at ones partner.  With rest comes better conversations, more physical stamina and a desire to focus on the positive.  In addition, you are just more likely to feel like using the best natural form of sleep enhancement.

Get Positive

When you find yourself feeling that everything your partner does is wrong, sit yourself down and write out at least five things they did right with the last 24 hours.  Chances are you will realize all that criticism is petty and that their good qualities are right there waiting to be noticed.

Get Complimentary Towards Each Other

Tell each other that you look pretty, handsome, sexy or whatever.  It goes a long way toward making both of you feel sexually attractive to the other.  Men enjoy a compliment just as much as women.  If you are waiting around for that compliment, try turning the tables and pay the compliment first.  It will come back to you.

Get Over the Shame

Shaming your partner over their sexual desires and interests is a one way ticket to bed death.  Even if you don’t share the same inclinations, be open to listening and finding a way to pleasure.  Biting your partners head off when they try to express an interest leads to lack of communication and more and more distance from each other.

Get a Sense of Humor

Taking ourselves too seriously in the sexual arena is a waste of time and effort.  If you and your partner share a love of ribald humor then cultivate it.

Get a Goal

We set goals at work, about our budgets and in school.  There is nothing wrong with setting a goal about how often you both want to have sex.  It will get you talking and clue you in to your partners’ needs.

Get Exercise

Cleaning out the arteries through walking, swimming, running or a workout keeps the blood flowing and the endorphins firing.  Plus it keeps you feeling good and sexy about yourself and each other.

What tips have worked for you?  Please add to my list.  

In case you were wondering where I have been, the short answer is working or stressed about working, or having IVIG at home.  However, all that stress is ending July 2 as I become a real housewife.  So look for more from me, unless I am caught up in working on my book.  Let the games begin!

Marvelous Matrimony


A year ago at this time, hubby and I were in the midst of wedding and honeymoon planning.    It was also a time for both of us to contemplate the prospect of second marriage.  I had received some dire warnings from some other married people, both gay and straight.  The most common was:  “Marriage is hard work, but worth it.”  When I inquired what they meant, they would elaborate on how you have to work at relationships to make them harmonious, and how living with someone day in and day out can really wear on you.

Well in three more months, we will hit the one year mark and both of us can honestly say that it has been quite easy.  Now there is no question that moving in with my hubby almost a year and a half ago required that many times I do more physically.  We both have family, we both create laundry and messes.  We have dogs and he has children.   Hubby also has a very busy medical practice and at times I pick up the slack for him at home, because he is away at work.  However, he has had to learn how to pick up the slack for me when I have been sick, recovering from surgery or needed elsewhere.  That is what partners do.

I also think that we both can be high maintenance individuals in our own unique ways.  I like to be spoiled and love being the center of his attentions.  He loves being pampered and having a wife who makes time to put him first.  I have had the “career” in the book business; now I want marriage.  I am not a woman who wants it all.  Just isn’t me and I don’t feel a need to apologize for it.

We also think there are a few key reasons why it has been so easy:

1)  We do not have financial worries or major disagreements about money.  We both like to save and then we both like to spend, especially on our home and travel.  But we do not spend what we do not have.

2)  We have a lot of chemistry.  Let’s face it, sex can overcome a lot of silly disputes and keep the home fires burning.

In my first marriage and it other subsequent relationships both of the key items above were missing or lacking in some way.   At the time, I would have offered anyone contemplating marriage the same advice about having to work for it.  The same was true for hubby.  If really pressed, we both might have admitted to not being happy.

Several friends did not offer that advice.  They are in long term, successful and seemingly very happy marriages.  It is interesting to note that they also have the key components I listed above going for them.

Once when I was searching for the “one” I asked a close male friend who has been happily  married for 20 years,  “How will I know when I find him?”

He responded, “When you look over at him and you totally accept him, and love him despite his internal flaws.  Then, after looking at him, if you want to go upstairs for an afternoon of love making, that is when you’ll know you have found the one. ”

It is so nice to know my search is over.

What else is key to a successful marriage?  Let me know.